I would hurry to find a shelter
from the raging wind and tempest."
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away...let's take off in the blue...we'll just glide, starry-eyed...
However, things are getting harder for me to do this, since I don't know how far things can go. Therefore I'm planning for things I'm seeing now multiplied times 100. This can be helpful at times, of course, because it forces one to analyze situations & plan things out, but it also has the potential of being a bit harmful.
These lyrics to Tell Me What You See [The Beatles] are important & I request that you read them, even if you do know the song:
If you let me take your heart I will prove to you,
We will never be apart if I'm part of you.
Open up your eyes now, tell me what you see.
It is no surprise now, what you see is me.Big and black the clouds may be, time will pass away.
If you put your trust in me I'll make bright your day.
Look into these eyes now, tell me what you see.
Don't you realise now, what you see is me.Tell me what you see.
Listen to me one more time, how can I get through?
Can't you try to see that I'm trying to get to you?
Open up your eyes now, tell me what you see.
It is no surprise now, what you see is me.Tell me what you see.
Listen to me one more time, how can I get through?
Can't you try to see that I'm trying to get to you?
Open up your eyes now, tell me what you see.
It is no surprise now, what you see is me.
Prove yourself to me. Tell me what I shouldn't fear.
I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need
This in my life
And I think I'm just scared
I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
If you're gone maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone baby you need to come home
'Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything you
If You're Gone by Matchbox Twenty
Landlocked Blues by Bright Eyes featuring Emmylou Harris
I believe there is an inherent fear in all humans that tells them that they cannot truly be themselves 100% of the time for fear of rejection. I am certainly on of these people & I struggle with this every single day.
'Can I open up to them? Would they really value me for who I am & who am I striving to be? Do they appreciate me at all? What will they do if I do decide to open up? Will they laugh or, even worse, reject me & no longer want to know me? Will they look down on me & never think of me the same? Will they not realize how important some things are to me? Will they end up crushing me?'
These are all valid questions & are equally real in realation to feeling. I will tell you now: you will be crushed. Most likely many times in your life, several times a year, maybe even daily. But the real question becomes: are you willing to go through pain in order to make any relationship grow? When you open yourself up to people, you're doing exactly that--allowing them the ability to hurt you. But, the pain won't last forever. It's a give & take. They will open up & feel out-in-the-open as much as you will--you, in turn, will end up hurting them too, but is it worth it? Is momentary pain worth growing together in any respect? 'I know I hurt you & I made you cry, did everything but murder you & I; but love left a window in the skies & to love I rhapsodize'
People try to go through life without hurt, but that doesn't work. To roughly quote C.S. Lewis 'to love is to be vulnerable' We are called to love people. 'Lord, does that mean EVERY person?' 'Yes' 'But this person really bugs me a whole lot/I'm scared of opening up' 'And...' 'You don't understand?' 'Really--you don't think I know what it's like to be rejected? To be hated or even worse, ignored, declared non-existent? How much more able are you to carry out your responsibility to love being that you live on this earth?'
See my point? You can't go through life avoiding these things. Trust people. As much as it hurts, you have to learn to trust people. I battle with it every day. Sometimes, the hardest person in the world for me to trust is Greg, the one I love the deepest, yet he doesn't despise me for it. He knows this & understands--yes, it annoys him sometimes, but more importantly, he's willing to go through that pain & help me through it. He & I are a team; we will be for the rest of our lives.
So what if aren't in the kind of relationship I'm in--that doesn't mean you shouldn't attempt to make the connections you have as strong as possible. Again, communication is incredibly important. Utilize it.
['lough'=lake]I want to reach out over the lough
And feel your hand across the water
Walk with you along an unapproved road
Not looking over my shoulderI want to see, and I want to hear
To understand your fears
But we're north & south of the riverI've been doing it wrong all of my life
This holy town has turned me over
A young man running from what he didn't understand
But the wind from the lough just got colder and colderThere was a badness that had it's way
Love was not lost, love will have it's day
North & south of the riverCan we stop playing these old tattoos?
Darling, I don't have the answer
I want to meet you
Where you are
I don't need you to surrender
There's no feeling
Thats so alone
As when the one you're hurting is your own
North & south of the riverSome high ground is not worth taking
Some connections are not worth making
There's an old church bell no longer ringing
Some old songs are not worth bringing
North (Some high ground is not worth taking)
North and South of the River by U2